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I Owe You Nothing

by Record Setter

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1.
Someplace 01:30
How long have I been standing, just staring at the floor? How long was that door open? I never noticed it before. There was always a certain rhythm to the way that I was feeling. It's your fault, my fault, all their fault but it never felt like leaving. There are throngs and crowds of people gathered underneath a steeple. You go inside. I'll be outside, listening on a speaker. But don’t mind me as I'm pacing the back by myself searching for, a shelf or a crack in the wall, someplace that might conceal me. I'll climb inside and hide indefinitely. I am not a man, but I'm still a person.
2.
Sometimes 01:58
Now I step outside, at least I'm breathing. For the first time in my life, this feels like living. Gonna be a while before I'm back on my feet or used to using this voice. Hand myself a list of fears: at the top of it; "sometimes I feel like I'll never fit" I'm not emotive enough. Is this enough?
3.
Humus 01:14
And I feel like I've been lied to by you again. Use your nails, peel it back, force it to split. Get it out from the roots. Don't let it sit. Putrid smell fills your lungs; coughing, hacking, sick. Get it out from your guts. Get rid of it. I feel like I've been vindicated and my voice is clear for the first time in my life.
4.
When you told me... When you said that this would be easy, Did you mean it? Did you really even mean it at all? Looking out. Thinking back.
5.
I will not be. I will not be discarded so easily. ‘Cause under pavement, I am finding cracks and weak points. Water sneaks in through foundations once thought solid. But I was wrong. I know myself better than I ever have before. Put me on a shelf someplace that's easy to ignore. Knowing you. Knowing you. Sometimes I wake up from this dream, where I draw a picture that explains everything. But then I forget what it meant. It's not your place to tell me who to be. I know there's someone else inside of me. Let her out. Let her sing. Let her out. And let her breathe.
6.
The sun beats down on your face. And I can still taste the ocean on my tongue, as I watch you come undone. And I feel like I deserve a reward for my discretion regarding this matter, especially considering my age.
7.
Why should I ever have to explain myself or my body or anything? I know what I am. I know how it is. I just... I just can't take the look on your face. After I've said it, you said everything. Without even speaking, you said everything. I know what I am. I know how it is. I just thought it would be different at the end. It's not the end. It’s not the end. But I can't help it, it feels like it is. You said everything. You said everything. I guess I'm not upset, just disappointed that I expected anything less from you. ‘Cause now I know that means that I don't even see myself all that accurately. And my broken sense of self is further fragmenting. I think I know the answer, but I don't know the steps. And I don't know the order. I just know that I don't want to stay. I don't want to stay. I don't know if I can keep up. I don't know if I can keep up with this. Just hold my hand the whole way through this.
8.
Rigor Mortis 01:59
Jealousy floods my bones and seizes up my body: Holds me in a moment I no longer wish to witness. I want to let go. If I let go, I know it would be for good. I want to let go. Let myself grow. I know it would be good, but I can't cope with the thought of you never being there again. I hold a spot, no matter how small or cramped it is, I hold a spot. Stoop down when you step in, it makes the inner space feel bigger than it really is. I picked up all the pieces and found there's nothing left. I picked up all the pieces and found there's nothing.
9.
Reprise 00:45
10.
(we're still talking in circles) We're still talking in circles. Taking more time than is deserved. Weight of this choice is crushing. Nothing like something so uncertain. We're still talking in circles. Settled well past the time it is. I've given up. Conversation spiraling. I'm giving up. Night after night I'm bled dry. I’ve given up. And then I saw my mother, she was doing well. Wish that I could've said the same for myself.
11.
Expectations always higher than I'm ready for. Set up my own failure constantly. I needed more. Is it worth now that it's passed? Why do I always overreact? I wanted it all. Dilapidated house that I quickly moved in. Lived a life before the words were even spoken. I'm alone now, ripping up the floorboards. Searching for something that I never tried for. I wanted it all. I wanted it all. I know that I'm waiting for you. But you'll never come. No, you’ll never come. I couldn't accept there was nothing left. I wanted it all. I fail and I fall. Is there beauty in my ruin? Potential in my decay? Am I even worth restoring or better left this way? I wanted it all. I feel alive for the first time. For the first time.

credits

released November 6, 2020

Jacob Morrison - Bass
Jake Mitchell - Drums/Vocals
Kyle Pennington - Guitar/Vocals
Judy Mitchell - Guitar/Vocals

Recorded, mixed and mastered by Michael Briggs at Civil Audio in Denton, Texas

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Record Setter Denton, Texas

"Record Setter is a unique band in today’s DIY scene— a band that can play in multiple sandboxes of genre without sacrificing catchiness nor intensity."

-Ellie Kovach

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